Bursting Heart

My heart is so full right now. I feel a mixture of emotions. Sad because I am apart from Isaac again. Happy because one of my best friends has been set free, and that is as much detail as I will give. Joyful over knowing the Lord and grateful to be His daughter. Lonely as I look over the next 2 weeks and realize I will be waking up alone every morning without my personal Hubby Heater to snuggle up to. The strongest thing I am feeling right now...is Peace.

Jesus said "My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27. Jesus is so right, as usual! Sometimes when life is crazy, and I feel overwhelmed by the weight of my burdens, I say these words of Jesus to myself, sometimes out loud, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest... For my burden is light." Then I ask God, out loud or in my heart, "What does this mean? God, are you really going to get Isaac a new job so we don't have to be apart anymore? Are you really going to give me rest, or did you just say that? Do you really mean it?"

Then, with such loving patience that only a Father can have for his immature daughter, God reminds me that He is in control. Isaiah 55:8, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," God said. Romans 8:28, "We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Psalm 138:8, "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me. Your love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not abandon the work of your hands." These promises from God comfort me. Is God a liar? No, He has proved Himself trustworthy to me countless times. So if God is not a liar, then He will do what He says He will.

That means that He will hear and answer my prayers. Maybe not in the way I want Him to, or in the time frame I set up for Him. "God, please give Isaac a new job NOW!" I pray. But God's timing is not my own. The Bible says a day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years like a day. When God promises He will prosper me, He will work out everything for my good, He will fulfil His purpose for me, I know He will. I know He will.

So I wait. My circumstances have not changed. Isaac is still gone, and loneliness makes its company in my heart. But I feel tangible relief from this: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." His peace makes no sense. Why should I feel joy in trials? I don't know. But my peace in the middle of my chaos is a gift from God that I welcome with hungry, open arms. "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you," God has promised. He is right, He is always right.

I am confident that God is using this season of my life to bring His name glory and to grow me up, for I am still a child. I do not understand a lot about Him. But I take comfort in that, too. Because if I understood everything about God, all of His ways and mysteries, then He would not be such a marvelous and life-changing God. He doesn't fit in my box, my puzzle, my human mind. I praise Him for that. He is so much more!

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9.