Heaven In A Bowl

It is ten days into the New Year. I have not even begun to touch the things I want to do this year. I refuse to call them my "New Year's Resolutions", since in the past I have never kept any of them. I just know there are some changes that need to be made in my life, and I plan on working on them daily. I will not say "Lose 5 pounds", but I will say "Eat healthier every day, and exercise more." I will not say "Read a chapter of the Bible every single day" but I will say "Spend more quiet time alone with God each day."

We survived our trip to Visalia. We drove home late New Year's Eve (Phoenix slept the whole time, yes!), and drove through Vegas at midnight. The roads were not busy since everyone was on the Strip partying. I did not want to be one of the partiers. Instead, I was having meaningful conversation with my hubby and enjoying our time together in the car. Much more special. :)

Isaac is away in Southern California on a ten day show right now. He gets back late Sunday, more like early Monday morning. And then on Tuesday the 19th, we are flying out to visit my parents in Texas. Yay! I finally get to watch my son play with his Aunt Lily. How weird, she is his aunt, but he is 2 months older than her. I am looking forward to a fun stay in Georgetown. I miss my family, they miss us, and Isaac could really use a few days away from the stress of work. We plan to visit a few fun Georgetown specialties, especially the Cotton Patch. This restaurant has this Bacon Cheddar Potato soup that I totally adore. Real, thick potato chunks with smooth, real cheddar cheese and buttery chunks of delicious bacon. It is like heaven in a bowl, people!

Christmas

Christmas this year was incredible. I got to spend time with family, but most importantly, with my husband. I woke up Christmas morning to my dead but glowing tree and laying next to Isaac for the first time in a long time. Yay!

Some highlights of Christmas day...Isaac and I have not gotten each other Christmas gifts in a few years. So this year we decided to just fill each other's stockings. I gave him a few odds and ends that he needs for travelling for work (Axe body spray, travel size toiletries, etc) and a Bible. Very practical, all things he needs. He really surprised me this year. There is a marriage retreat I have wanted to go to with him for 3 years now, and he bought us tickets to the retreat. It is at our favorite Las Vegas hotel, The Red Rock Resort. We get to spend three days and two nights together alone, learning about God's design for marriage and growing in our love for each other. How exciting! Thanks babe. :)We ate lots of yummy food, including what I call Gamish Corn Hens (aka Cornish Game Hens)and my sister-in-law's delicious Oreo balls. Ahh...

Right now, Phoenix and I are in our La Quinta hotel room in Visalia, California. We made the seven hour drive yesterday, and upon arrival, realized we were stuck in a room half the size of what we were promised. This would normally be no big deal, but Phoenix and I will be living in this hotel for the next 5 days and we need space or we will go crazy! Isaac went straight down to the check-in desk and worked it all out. He came back up with a new key to a much more comfortable room. I am not an assertive person and would just as soon stay in the smaller, cramped room before I make a fuss. But that is why God gave me Isaac. He has the guts and heart to take care of his family and get us the room we need to stay sane during this trip. I love him for that. It is in these moments that I literally thank the Lord for giving me such an honest husband that doesn't get pushed around, like I would.

I am really looking forward to these next few days. Isaac will be at Costco working most of the time, but I get the luxury of seeing him in the morning and spending each night with him. That is all I could ask for. I brought all the necessities- tons of toys, Phoenix's portable bed, books and movies to keep us busy during the day while Isaac is gone. Isaac went last night at 10:00 PM to buy us groceries- bless him! And also, our new room's fridge was not working, so he unplugged it, carried the awkward thing over to the room we were in at first, and switched it with that fridge, which is much colder. Thank goodness for men like Isaac who might be a little rough on the edges, but also take good care of the ones they love. Can I get a shout out from all you women whose husbands are wonderful? :)

Winter

Today while I was driving, I came to this conclusion: I am in the Winter season of my life. Life does have seasons. I am experiencing the cold, harsh, yet essential, season of Winter. It is not just about the weather. It is the Winter of my soul.

In the Winter, everything changes. It all goes dormant. The flowers wilt and fade, the grass dies, the leaves are long gone. There is not much green left, and everything is covered in a blanket of emptiness and cold. In some places it snows and freezes. I am very aware of the Winter characteristics my life has taken on. The long stretches of time spent alone, without my husband to spend time with. The many nights slept next to nobody, and cuddled up next to nothing. The dozens of moments I desire to share with Isaac, such as when Phoenix says a new word, but he is not here to experience things with me. Winter has made its company here. It is in the biting air outside, first thing in the morning. It is in the empty space of my home late at night. It is in my heart when I ache to be held in Isaac's arms.

I was encouraged, and smiled to myself, when I remembered what happens after Winter is over: Spring. Springtime, when the trees come to life again, and the flowers bloom in an array of colors, and the sky looks bluer and the air smells sweeter and the world is fresh and new again. Springtime, when we celebrate new life, and welcome good things back again. When the cold of Winter is long forgotten and the warmth of Spring is welcomed home.

My Spring is coming. I pray that the Lord will bring it to me now, but I know in my heart that these things cannot be rushed. Because without Winter, how could I appreciate the beauty of Spring? Without Winter, how could I have the brightness to look forward to? And without Winter, how could I know the things I am meant to learn?

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...God has made everything beautful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:1,11

Luke Chapter 2

In my Bible reading yesterday, I turned to the gospels to read the Christmas story. I settled on reading Luke Chapter 2, since it is the most complete account of the birth of Christ with the most detail (I am a details kind of person). One verse in particular stuck out to me: "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." People in Bethlehem were a hustle and bustle, full of wonder at the birth of Christ and spreading the word about this child. Until now, I haven't stopped to think about Mary's point of view. A young bride-to-be, a virgin who was pregnant, and just delivered her baby in a dirty stable full of animals without the help of an epidural or a midwife or some ice chips to get her through. And then, she pondered these things in her heart.

What must she have been thinking about? I know after I gave birth to Phoenix, I was a mess of emotion for months to come. Joy, tears, uncertainty, happiness, sadness, you name it, I felt it. And some emotions felt like I was feeling them for the first time. But with Mary, she was no ordinary woman, and Jesus was no ordinary son. Did Mary know who Jesus really was? The One that Isaiah prophesied would be "Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace"? Did Mary know that Jesus had only just entered into time, yet had existed outside of time and had created the world she lived in? Did Mary understand that Jesus had knit her in her mother's womb many years before, and yet also had just come from her own womb? Did Mary know that her baby boy was the Word made flesh? She couldn't have possibly thought of what would happen more than thirty years later, when she would witness her baby boy dying on the cross to save her own sins.

Wow, the Christmas story is so rich and full of meaning. How tragic that this world has robbed it of its depth. People rushed and frustrated, trying to buy all the right gifts for all the right people. The presents, the holiday rush, the distractions. I struggle to accept this type of Christmas that stresses and hurries to buy all the right things, get the best deals, have the best decorations and worry over things that shouldn't worry me.

Christmas this year has become very still and quiet for me. I cannot have it both ways, I've discovered. Either I celebrate what I say I do, the birth of Christ, or I celebrate the American Christmas. I never felt I had to choose before. But now I feel the Lord calling me to make Jesus the center of my life, especially the center of my holidays. Jesus takes up my whole heart and He will not share His glory with another. When He is the focus of my life, there is no room for the things that don't matter. "For God has...called us to live a holy life." 1 Thessalonians 4:7.

Bursting Heart

My heart is so full right now. I feel a mixture of emotions. Sad because I am apart from Isaac again. Happy because one of my best friends has been set free, and that is as much detail as I will give. Joyful over knowing the Lord and grateful to be His daughter. Lonely as I look over the next 2 weeks and realize I will be waking up alone every morning without my personal Hubby Heater to snuggle up to. The strongest thing I am feeling right now...is Peace.

Jesus said "My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27. Jesus is so right, as usual! Sometimes when life is crazy, and I feel overwhelmed by the weight of my burdens, I say these words of Jesus to myself, sometimes out loud, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest... For my burden is light." Then I ask God, out loud or in my heart, "What does this mean? God, are you really going to get Isaac a new job so we don't have to be apart anymore? Are you really going to give me rest, or did you just say that? Do you really mean it?"

Then, with such loving patience that only a Father can have for his immature daughter, God reminds me that He is in control. Isaiah 55:8, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," God said. Romans 8:28, "We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Psalm 138:8, "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me. Your love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not abandon the work of your hands." These promises from God comfort me. Is God a liar? No, He has proved Himself trustworthy to me countless times. So if God is not a liar, then He will do what He says He will.

That means that He will hear and answer my prayers. Maybe not in the way I want Him to, or in the time frame I set up for Him. "God, please give Isaac a new job NOW!" I pray. But God's timing is not my own. The Bible says a day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years like a day. When God promises He will prosper me, He will work out everything for my good, He will fulfil His purpose for me, I know He will. I know He will.

So I wait. My circumstances have not changed. Isaac is still gone, and loneliness makes its company in my heart. But I feel tangible relief from this: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." His peace makes no sense. Why should I feel joy in trials? I don't know. But my peace in the middle of my chaos is a gift from God that I welcome with hungry, open arms. "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you," God has promised. He is right, He is always right.

I am confident that God is using this season of my life to bring His name glory and to grow me up, for I am still a child. I do not understand a lot about Him. But I take comfort in that, too. Because if I understood everything about God, all of His ways and mysteries, then He would not be such a marvelous and life-changing God. He doesn't fit in my box, my puzzle, my human mind. I praise Him for that. He is so much more!

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9.