Pregnant

Since the last time I wrote in this blog, a few things have changed. Isaac is no longer working for VitaMix, which has been like a breath of fresh air each day. He is home everyday, and he and Phoenix are developing a deeper Daddy/Son bond. And the timing is impeccable...now that I am pregnant (yes, 6 weeks along and due October 22nd), I need his help so much and could NOT do this with him being gone for 10 days at a time. He has been so helpful and encouraging. He takes care of Phoenix and all the housework for me when I am just too sick to get off the floor, which this week has been everyday. I remember being sick with Phoenix, but not this sick. Ugh.

We visited my Texas family in January. That was so much fun. Phoenix and Lily both walk now and actually played together for the first time. Also, a couple of weeks ago, we drove to Gilbert, Arizona. We stayed with our friends, Nate and Taryn, and Isaac spent the week selling alarms for the first time since last summer. He is starting to get the hang of it again. We move to Washington in May for the summer. I thought we would never do another summer of alarm sales, and yet here we are. I prayed for the Lord to give us something besides VitaMix, and alarms is not the best option but it will be another great adventure. Luckily I should be done with this "morning sickness" ( more like 24/7 sickness) by the time we move to Washington and Isaac has to be away from home for 10-12 hours a day again.

I have not been reading my Bible or praying as often as I should. Also, exercise is difficult with my nausea and upset stomach. But I am making it a goal to do better in these areas. I always feel 100% better about life when I put God first, where He should always be, and take care of myself by exercising. It's just been so hard this week since I feel like I could lay in bed all day and I rarely feel like doing anything at all.

I have to take Scripture and personalize it: "I can do ALL things (even live through the first trimester of pregnancy) through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. "For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. Father God, please help me through this. You have blessed me with this baby, and now I pray that You will help me deal with this sickness. Amen.

Heaven In A Bowl

It is ten days into the New Year. I have not even begun to touch the things I want to do this year. I refuse to call them my "New Year's Resolutions", since in the past I have never kept any of them. I just know there are some changes that need to be made in my life, and I plan on working on them daily. I will not say "Lose 5 pounds", but I will say "Eat healthier every day, and exercise more." I will not say "Read a chapter of the Bible every single day" but I will say "Spend more quiet time alone with God each day."

We survived our trip to Visalia. We drove home late New Year's Eve (Phoenix slept the whole time, yes!), and drove through Vegas at midnight. The roads were not busy since everyone was on the Strip partying. I did not want to be one of the partiers. Instead, I was having meaningful conversation with my hubby and enjoying our time together in the car. Much more special. :)

Isaac is away in Southern California on a ten day show right now. He gets back late Sunday, more like early Monday morning. And then on Tuesday the 19th, we are flying out to visit my parents in Texas. Yay! I finally get to watch my son play with his Aunt Lily. How weird, she is his aunt, but he is 2 months older than her. I am looking forward to a fun stay in Georgetown. I miss my family, they miss us, and Isaac could really use a few days away from the stress of work. We plan to visit a few fun Georgetown specialties, especially the Cotton Patch. This restaurant has this Bacon Cheddar Potato soup that I totally adore. Real, thick potato chunks with smooth, real cheddar cheese and buttery chunks of delicious bacon. It is like heaven in a bowl, people!

Christmas

Christmas this year was incredible. I got to spend time with family, but most importantly, with my husband. I woke up Christmas morning to my dead but glowing tree and laying next to Isaac for the first time in a long time. Yay!

Some highlights of Christmas day...Isaac and I have not gotten each other Christmas gifts in a few years. So this year we decided to just fill each other's stockings. I gave him a few odds and ends that he needs for travelling for work (Axe body spray, travel size toiletries, etc) and a Bible. Very practical, all things he needs. He really surprised me this year. There is a marriage retreat I have wanted to go to with him for 3 years now, and he bought us tickets to the retreat. It is at our favorite Las Vegas hotel, The Red Rock Resort. We get to spend three days and two nights together alone, learning about God's design for marriage and growing in our love for each other. How exciting! Thanks babe. :)We ate lots of yummy food, including what I call Gamish Corn Hens (aka Cornish Game Hens)and my sister-in-law's delicious Oreo balls. Ahh...

Right now, Phoenix and I are in our La Quinta hotel room in Visalia, California. We made the seven hour drive yesterday, and upon arrival, realized we were stuck in a room half the size of what we were promised. This would normally be no big deal, but Phoenix and I will be living in this hotel for the next 5 days and we need space or we will go crazy! Isaac went straight down to the check-in desk and worked it all out. He came back up with a new key to a much more comfortable room. I am not an assertive person and would just as soon stay in the smaller, cramped room before I make a fuss. But that is why God gave me Isaac. He has the guts and heart to take care of his family and get us the room we need to stay sane during this trip. I love him for that. It is in these moments that I literally thank the Lord for giving me such an honest husband that doesn't get pushed around, like I would.

I am really looking forward to these next few days. Isaac will be at Costco working most of the time, but I get the luxury of seeing him in the morning and spending each night with him. That is all I could ask for. I brought all the necessities- tons of toys, Phoenix's portable bed, books and movies to keep us busy during the day while Isaac is gone. Isaac went last night at 10:00 PM to buy us groceries- bless him! And also, our new room's fridge was not working, so he unplugged it, carried the awkward thing over to the room we were in at first, and switched it with that fridge, which is much colder. Thank goodness for men like Isaac who might be a little rough on the edges, but also take good care of the ones they love. Can I get a shout out from all you women whose husbands are wonderful? :)

Winter

Today while I was driving, I came to this conclusion: I am in the Winter season of my life. Life does have seasons. I am experiencing the cold, harsh, yet essential, season of Winter. It is not just about the weather. It is the Winter of my soul.

In the Winter, everything changes. It all goes dormant. The flowers wilt and fade, the grass dies, the leaves are long gone. There is not much green left, and everything is covered in a blanket of emptiness and cold. In some places it snows and freezes. I am very aware of the Winter characteristics my life has taken on. The long stretches of time spent alone, without my husband to spend time with. The many nights slept next to nobody, and cuddled up next to nothing. The dozens of moments I desire to share with Isaac, such as when Phoenix says a new word, but he is not here to experience things with me. Winter has made its company here. It is in the biting air outside, first thing in the morning. It is in the empty space of my home late at night. It is in my heart when I ache to be held in Isaac's arms.

I was encouraged, and smiled to myself, when I remembered what happens after Winter is over: Spring. Springtime, when the trees come to life again, and the flowers bloom in an array of colors, and the sky looks bluer and the air smells sweeter and the world is fresh and new again. Springtime, when we celebrate new life, and welcome good things back again. When the cold of Winter is long forgotten and the warmth of Spring is welcomed home.

My Spring is coming. I pray that the Lord will bring it to me now, but I know in my heart that these things cannot be rushed. Because without Winter, how could I appreciate the beauty of Spring? Without Winter, how could I have the brightness to look forward to? And without Winter, how could I know the things I am meant to learn?

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...God has made everything beautful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:1,11

Luke Chapter 2

In my Bible reading yesterday, I turned to the gospels to read the Christmas story. I settled on reading Luke Chapter 2, since it is the most complete account of the birth of Christ with the most detail (I am a details kind of person). One verse in particular stuck out to me: "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." People in Bethlehem were a hustle and bustle, full of wonder at the birth of Christ and spreading the word about this child. Until now, I haven't stopped to think about Mary's point of view. A young bride-to-be, a virgin who was pregnant, and just delivered her baby in a dirty stable full of animals without the help of an epidural or a midwife or some ice chips to get her through. And then, she pondered these things in her heart.

What must she have been thinking about? I know after I gave birth to Phoenix, I was a mess of emotion for months to come. Joy, tears, uncertainty, happiness, sadness, you name it, I felt it. And some emotions felt like I was feeling them for the first time. But with Mary, she was no ordinary woman, and Jesus was no ordinary son. Did Mary know who Jesus really was? The One that Isaiah prophesied would be "Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace"? Did Mary know that Jesus had only just entered into time, yet had existed outside of time and had created the world she lived in? Did Mary understand that Jesus had knit her in her mother's womb many years before, and yet also had just come from her own womb? Did Mary know that her baby boy was the Word made flesh? She couldn't have possibly thought of what would happen more than thirty years later, when she would witness her baby boy dying on the cross to save her own sins.

Wow, the Christmas story is so rich and full of meaning. How tragic that this world has robbed it of its depth. People rushed and frustrated, trying to buy all the right gifts for all the right people. The presents, the holiday rush, the distractions. I struggle to accept this type of Christmas that stresses and hurries to buy all the right things, get the best deals, have the best decorations and worry over things that shouldn't worry me.

Christmas this year has become very still and quiet for me. I cannot have it both ways, I've discovered. Either I celebrate what I say I do, the birth of Christ, or I celebrate the American Christmas. I never felt I had to choose before. But now I feel the Lord calling me to make Jesus the center of my life, especially the center of my holidays. Jesus takes up my whole heart and He will not share His glory with another. When He is the focus of my life, there is no room for the things that don't matter. "For God has...called us to live a holy life." 1 Thessalonians 4:7.