2009 In a Nutshell (So far)

Today is the last day of November. Tomorrow begins the last month of the year. I am reflecting on the year 2009, on all of its triumphs and successes, as well as the hard times and lessons learned. All in all it has been one of the best years of my life, in more ways than one.



In January I was a stay-at-home mom with a husband who worked from home, living in a comfortable 3 bedroom home with a great yard and my life felt safe. I did not know how great I had it. I thought I was grateful, but I was not. The first few months of the year passed by normally and as usual- gearing up for the Blitz football season, watching Phoenix grow and reach new milestones, spending lots of great time with my husband. February, March, and April breezed past us.



By May, we were out of money, selling our furniture to buy groceries and pay bills, and unsure of our future. In June an excellent job opportunity came up for Isaac to move across the country and sell alarm systems. So off we went with no more than a few suitcases full of the belongings we had left, to live in a sort-of furnished apartment in Springfield, Missouri. I did all that I could to make the place feel like home, adding candles and blankets and homemade meals (this was the summer I finally became comfortable in the kitchen, much to Isaac's relief). I can easily say this was the most difficult time in my life. It tested my marriage and my faith in God. I learned some incredible lessons, like how to really trust God and really love Him for who He is, not for what He gives me. When I had no television, no furniture of my own, no car, and no money, I was forced to choose. Either I would bloom where I was planted, or die on the spot. I chose to be joyful, although it wasn't easy. I'll never forget our first day there. We got off the airplane, ate some lunch with our friends and summer companions, Nate and Taryn, and then Isaac dropped me off at our new apartment and went off to start his first long day of work. There I was, just me and Phoenix. No toilet paper. No food in the fridge. No linens or towels or soap. Nothing to do but unpack our clothes and wait for Isaac in the emptiness.



I did a lot of waiting for Isaac that summer. He worked 6 days a week, for 12 hours or more a day. He would sleep in because he was exhausted from the day before, eat a little breakfast, shower, and head off to another day of knocking doors in the hot, humid weather we never quite got used to, and he would walk in the door around 9 or 10:00 at night, fall into bed, and repeat the next day. Sunday was his only day off. It was a trying, difficult, yet wonderful time for us. Things got better when the company moved us to Laredo, Texas, at the end of July. By that time we had saved enough money to buy a used car to drive to Texas in. We lived there for one month. The thing that stands out the most in my memory is the day we arrived in Laredo. We had just made the 15 hour drive from Missouri, only to discover we were in a one bedroom apartment, not a 2 bedroom like we were promised. I saw Nate and Taryn's apartment, a much more spacious 2 bedroom with much cooler features. I confess, ashamedly, that I was a brat that day. I complained to Isaac and cried and complained some more. It wasn't fair, I whined. Why do we have to be the ones stuck in a tiny one bedroom where Phoenix is going to practically be sleeping on top of us? It's not enough space, I cried. Why me? Why me!



It's a good thing that my tantrum lasted only a few hours. I felt ashamed before God for being so ungrateful, and for comparing myself to our friends. They deserved a nice place to stay. And I said sorry to Isaac, and to God, for being so ugly. I never complained again, and truly enjoyed that apartment very much once I got over myself.



The end of August brought us to Mesquite, Nevada. Isaac was beat from 3 months of door-to-door sales. After a 24-hour, non-stop drive with a one year old (don't ask me how we did it), we arrived on August 24th, Phoenix's birthday. It was nice to be back in the dry heat, back with family after a summer alone, back with our dogs, Max and Jack (although Jack suffered a car accident just days before we came home and still limps from it). Isaac took all of one week off before he got restless and started to look for work. Within days he took a job with VitaMix, selling these super nice blenders at Costcos on the west coast. I had no idea what we were getting into.



We lived with my in-laws for almost 3 months. This was a great experience for us. We continued to practice the art of living on less, and are still so thankful to Bubba and Wendy for feeding us and taking care of us. We shared a room with Phoenix, which we were used to at this point, and were so thankful to have a place to stay and spend time with family. In November, after weeks of asking God where He wanted us to live next, we found a home for rent just a few houses down from Isaac's parents (which is ironic, since Isaac said he did not want to live in Mesquite, and he did not want to live close to his parents. God must have a sense of humor). Mesquite works because it is close to the airport when Isaac has to leave for work, and also close to St. George where Isaac needs to beto take care of the Blitz. Plus I have family to see while he's away to curb my lonliness.



That brings us to today. Isaac still works for VitaMix. He is gone for more than 20 days of the month. He usually leaves for 10 days at a time, stays home for a few days, and goes back out to another show. Right now he is in California. He left the day after Thanksgiving and will be home December 7th.



This morning I was praying. I told God how lonely I am, and how I don't like being away from my husband like this. I told Him I am unsure of our future, and unsure of my purpose in this life. Then I remembered this past year, with all of its ups and downs, twists and turns. I remembered Missouri. I remembered Laredo. I remembered everything, how I saw none of it coming but was so thankful to experience all of it. The things I have learned have changed me completely, and I could have never learned these things any other way. We had to lose stuff and move and grow and change and start over, we needed to. My prayers turned to praise, for all that God has chosen to do in our lives this year. It has been unlike anything I could have ever planned. But by God's grace, we are in a small home again, with furniture of our own (that we salvaged from garage sales and the DI), a car to drive, our health, and each other. I am excited to see what December brings, and then what 2010 is like for us. Today is the last day of November, but the first day of the remainder of my short, crazy, happy, unpredictable life. I welcome all of it, the good and bad, because I know God has me right where He wants me, and He is going to use this time in my life to make me better, and to bring glory to His name.



Lord, thank You for 2009. I wouldn't have had it any other way. You really do know best.

Thankful

Thanksgiving is the time when we are all reminded of what we have in our lives to be thankful for. In America, our list of what to be thankful for is often similar- family, friends, food. I love James 1:17 that says "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights...". This Bible verse tells me that every good thing I have in my life is from the Lord. EVERYTHING! This includes so much more than I am aware of on a daily basis.

It is easy for me to forget to thank God for some things in my life. When I miss my husband and feel lonely, I forget to be thankful that I even have a husband who loves me and that works hard for my family. When I feel overwhelmed by debt or bills, I forget to be thankful that we have a home and hundreds of other comforts that people in other countires do not have and may never have. When I feel bad about myself (too fat, etc), I forget to thank the Lord that I am healthy and my body is fearfully and wonderfully made.

I am the average, ordinary woman that often forgets just how blessed I am. I can be selfish, ungrateful, and even ugly at times. But this Thanksgiving, my heart is full of thanks to my God and my Savior. He loves me, Jessica, the apple of His eye, no matter what! And He wants to make something special of my life. I don't know why He put me on this earth, or what my purpose is. One thing I do know- God is real, He died to give me a hope and a future, and I thank Him for that. My goal is to thank Him every day by offering Him my life, not just during the holidays but every day year-round. Lord, I love You. Thank you. This Thanksgiving is for You. May my life be lived in a way that brings a smile to Your face.

Thank You

Thank You, Lord, for this life. It is not perfect, there is much evil and oppression here. But how can I focus on all of that when You've given me so much more?

Father, what is this life without You? You spoke the world into motion, created something out of nothing.You are the hope of the world, because You give us life beyond this wasted earth. You are love, Your Word says You are love. And with You, I am able to love others. Thank You for pregnancy, that I was able to get pregnant with my son and then carry and deliver Him. I know many women struggle with this. You made my heart, my mind, my soul. You gave me my family, my faith, my home and life. You have given me so many promises. Never will You leave me. You will come back for me, to take me to be with You where You are. And most importantly, you knew I was a desperate, sinful person in need of help, and You died on the cross for me, so that I could humbly accept Your sacrifice and then live with You forever someday. Forever is a long time! Thank You, Jesus, that I am assured of my salvation, that I don't do anything to make myself right or pure in Your eyes. It's all about Jesus, He is my righteousness.

Lord, You carried the cross for my shame. You gave up EVERYTHING for me and for anyone else that will accept You. What can I say? What can I do? I now offer my heart completely to You. I'll walk upon salvation, Your spirit alive in me. My soul now to stand! It is well with my soul. I'll stand with arms wide and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all. I'll stand, my soul, Lord, to You surrendered. All I am is Yours. I love You, Lord. Thank you for this life.

October Fun

This morning, Phoenix and I are driving to Las Vegas to pick Daddy up from the airport. I am delighted, since it's been over a week since I saw Isaac. Then, as of now, he has 2 weeks until he has to leave again on a 10-day show.

Life has been fairly ordinary. Phoenix and I still spend our days outside in the beautiful Fall weather, going for walks and playing fetch with the dogs. Phoenix just recovered from 2 days of a feverish sickness; after extra sleep and snuggle time, he's feeling much better. Now he's back to his stubborn, aggressive self. Wonder where he got that from?

Last weekend we went up to St. George to Staheli Farm. There was a pumpkin patch, corn maze, and petting zoo. Phoenix really enjoyed the animals, particularly the baby goats. He would pull on their tails and giggle when they tried to run away from him. He also loved the corn maze; he would pick up a husk of the dried up corn, try to bite into it, and then throw it and move on to another corn husk. It was a fun day.

I recently got my hair cut and dyed to my natural brown. at first I wasn't used to the new hair, and despaired at how to style it. But now I have really grown into it, and it's a nice change. Bangs are fun and playful, and I love having my hair back to brown. I've had streaks in it since 5th grade! All in all, life is sweet. We're all healthy, provided for, and blessed. Lord, thank You for another day on this earthly home in which to enjoy all that You've given us...

Lord, use my earthen vessel

I had the great privelege of attending Mesquite's first Women's Conference this past weekend. Wow, was I blessed. We worshipped God through our songs, music, reading of His Word, fellowship, and prayer. I know the Lord was glorified. I was blessed to meet some new sisters in Christ who also have little children. Now I know people here! Not as many as my husband, but he grew up here, so he knows almost everyone.

The theme was from 2 Corinthians 4:7 in the Bible: "We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God, not of us." I learned a myriad of things. One of them is that I am God's precious workmanship, created by Him to know Him, love Him, and glorify Him. He has given me this treasure, the Good News about Jesus, in my earthen vessel (my body) to share with others. And the best part is that even though I am a weak sinner, and I stumble daily, God still chooses to use me in my weakness, so that He might remind me that it's by His strength I serve Him and through His mercy that I am any good at all.

We have been trying to find a place to rent in Mesquite. We had our eyes on a place, but we waited too long to put in our application and it was taken. My first reaction was to be angry that we had waited so long, but then I recognized the Lord's hand. He is in control of every detail in my life, and He would have given me that house if it was His plan for me. So now I wait on Him and continue looking for the place He wants to give us to live in.

And finally, family news. Phoenix is growing lots of teeth, very painfully and crankilly! Good thing I love him so much. :) Isaac left this morning for a work trip to California, and he gets back Sunday. Not bad, only a 6 day trip. I miss him already. Thank goodness the Lord has promised me "Never will I leave you," otherwise I might get too lonely!